Traveling with FlixBus
Now, I’ve been in Germany for a while, and I’ve been riding my fair share of FlixBuses and let me tell you, they are great! I mean they make you want to rip your eyeballs out in fury and scream until your voice box is withered, until your body has decayed from the inside out, until you’ve lost all faith in humanity. But, you can reach any destination you can possibly imagine for pretty cheap (with sensational views along the way) so that makes up for it right?
As the bus rumbles on through the European countryside, your eyes will be filled with endless images of mesmerizingly green dipping hills that fold in on themselves, and just before they’re out of your line of vision, they’ll pop right back out and roll back into the valleys below. Their colors are something found in only your dreams, the kind of fantasies that teasingly dangle on the edge of your fingertips when you’re drifting into a fuzzy slumber. The assorted colors of blues and greens twist playfully between each other, sometimes intertwining, and other times fluttering away from one another.
The artistry of the world is enough to take your thoughts off of any negative connotation that might even possibly surround FlixBus. However, no amount of stunningly infinite terrain can erase all of the horrible lessons I have learned while attempting to utilize this company for my enjoyment. I’ve kindly listed them all here:
No matter how many times you try, if your browser obtains some peculiar cookie from FlixBus, an ‘Unknown Error’ will occur and your entire purchase will be null and void.
No amount of screaming at your laptop will fix this.
If you use the same email address more than a couple of times, your purchase will be null and void.
No amount of shed tears will buy you your tickets.
If you call the FlixBus company support line and ask for their English option, you will be redirected to their German support line, regardless of how many times you try.
No amount of scowling at your phone will connect you to what you need.
Their help forums tell you to download their app, and when their app doesn’t work, they tell you to try their website. Never. Ending. Loopholes. Don’t. Solve. My. Problems.
No amount of passive aggressive emails will do anything for you.
Crying babies will ruin your life. Get over it as quickly as possible.
All in all, you will have a terrible time. You will have all of your plans mapped out, your hostel booked, even your friends will have even purchased their tickets, but you’ll be sitting there, dry heaving in despair for days, hope just an endless beacon that has lost all meaning to you, and suddenly, somehow, in the darkest of your hours, the glaring FlixBus green will slip through the cracks, and by the grace of none other than God, you will purchase your ticket. All will be well. I promise.
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